he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
