Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
