life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
