piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
