Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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