He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
