shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
