It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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