Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
