ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
