she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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