FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
