Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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