3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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