she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
