I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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