i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
