Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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