I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
