Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
