I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize