on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
