My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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