well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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