does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
