remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
