I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
