I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize