the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
