The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
