how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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