fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
as a side note pls kill me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
