Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize