if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
