Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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