Porn is love you can see.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize