Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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