Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
