Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My life is pants optional.
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