dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
