Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
