I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
