do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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