So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
