i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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