Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
