Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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