Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
