Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize