Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
