So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
