A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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