the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
