I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
