Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
