The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
