I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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