Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
