Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize