Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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