I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
