Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
