Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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