Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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