Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
