did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
