Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
