Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
