He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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