We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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