I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
