Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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