She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
