If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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