Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
