just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
