she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
