I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
