i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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